28/March-11
My life is literally torn. Shattered actually, into one billion pieces.
I can't believe how stupid I am.
No joke. I have never called myself stupid without not meaning it. This time, I've done it deliberately. I am stupid, I am lazy, I am depressed, I am an idiot. I am all th negative words you can think about in this world. I am corrupted, I am sombre, I am a hooligan. Whatever negative word you want to call me, go ahead. Because I am one, very stupid Captain.
My life is miserable. I know many people go through things, but I don't think anyone would want to go through the same things I am going through, all simultaniously. I just hate my life. It sucks to be me. I just can't try my best in school because of what happens both in and out of it.
IN :
I just got my results back today for my Biology assignment.
I got 18/25 for my speech, and 26/30 for my research.
When I was full confident and thought I'd ace it.
I am SO dissapointed, no joke. Nobody can be as dissapointed with their marks as I am. I, the Captain, once coming 4th in Biology, now coming ranked in 10th place. I wanted to kill myself when I heard that I was ranked low. I could tell how dissapointed my teacer was with me, and how happy my classmates were when I was ranked down. I think the only one I could sympathise with was my mate Tullah, who was ranked 3, and now ranked 11th. We both have family problems, and she's stressed out ALOT. So, as you can see, my biology ranking, in YEAR 12, is bloody bad. My modern history is also doing bad because I just had an essay on friday, which was based on Hitler. Unfortunately, I don't study that much, so I studied the day before, and I think I wrote bullcrap. Maths is bad. Not doing anything except bludging around, and I have a freaking test next week - HALF YEARLY. Business is damn boring and giving me a headache. Legal Studies and English are the only ones I'm interested in accomplishing, to be honest. I just picked Biology for fun, as well as Business and Maths, so Im trying to improve on English and Legal Studies only.
OUT :
I want to die. I reakon if I die, people will only care for 2 weeks, and then they'll be back to normal with whatever they were doing. I get so depressed easily. I used to cut myself when I was, but once, I cut myself too deep and the physical pain felt for 2 months made me realise it wasn't worth it. Now I am thinking of cutting again, seeing as family life is hurting me outside and inside.
My parents fought again. On Saturday, while my half-cousins were here, mum and dad had a fight over why mum was going out at night with our family friend. While mum was taking a shower, dad opened the door and tried to strangle her. Lucky I was there and it took me and my elder sister several attempts to get him off. Police had to come, yadda yadda,etc. Wasn't in the mood to deal with my cousins and sisters telling the police every single freaking detail. Its been 2 days since the fight, and my mum has been telling us of her plan to divorce. I sit at school wondering if I'll ever see my family as the once peaceful, loving family that we were before. I wonder how happiness and contentent slipped away from our fingers. My cousins are having problems, putting them onto my parents plate. Money is starting to be a financial issue and are stressing my parents. I got a friend that is sleeping over that has 'run away' when she has told the whole fricken world that she was 'kicked out'. Now her parents are out to get me, thinking that I am hiding her, but its funny, seeing as I've tried calling them to pick her up but they refuse. She's got her problems, and so I'm busy looking after her.
My friends are (no offence) no use. They haven't given me any comforting words or support so far. I feel like an idiot hanging around with girls who are friends with happiness. I feel like I'm the only one holding hands with depression and sadness. Its okay though, I don't need anything, or anyone. If my parents get divorced, its okay. If I end up getting locked in jail for false information, it's okay. If I kicked out of home for getting low marks, it's alright, coz you know what?
No one wants to handle it with me. It's okay. I roll solo.
Its okay if I die. I've always been like the evergreen tree outside my house.
Lonely, sombre and miserable.
Mar 28, 2011
Jan 19, 2011
G'day !
As you know, this is a new blog that I, Mel Afoa, have used to tell many blog readers what goes on in my life. You might have visited my other serious blogsite
As I speak of siblings, I want to walk into a certain issue I think is not expressed enough, and this shall be my topic of the day. Most I mentioned in my welcome note, I happen to come from a respected Samoan/Australian family. There are those in the world who will read this blog and ponder what Samoan means. Samoa is one of the many beautiful pacific islands, situated in the Pacific Islands. On the right eastern side of Australia, if my geography skills are acurate. A very spectacular island, with it's picturesque nature and friendly habitants.
Most people living in the same areas as me will know the exact reaction when someone says 'Samoan Writer'. Most people will be stunned, others will laugh jokingly. Its the reaction some Samoans go through, as if offensive enough. To break it down easier, many people have never thought of Samoans, or any Islander, ever doing an educational or advanced position in life. Like, being a writer, or a doctor. I don't think any documentary has ever explored what we feel, so I thought to use this blog to show people out there what Islanders like me really feel deep down.
In my area, where it is multiculturally diverse, Islanders are known as the 'fobs'. There are many people out there who are 'frightened' or 'intimidated' by the looks of some islanders. 'Rough & Tough' is what many people say when I ask them what they think of us Islanders. In most schools, the bullies are known to be the fobs, as in most gangs as well in surburban areas. If you question yourself, how many Islanders do you know that are famous? The Rock. Paulini. J Williams. Stan Walker, to name a few. But like I said, a few. There's not one fob that is nationally famous, like Justin Bieber. There is the occasional new zealander movie that will come out, and most fobs will be all over it. Give it two months, and it'll be back to the American celebrities. There will also be the occasional Youtube sensation hit, where an islander, or a group of islanders, will either imitate a song, or sing like Aretha Franklin, holding a cheap guitar.
You might have heard of Islander singers, actors and dancers. How about more serious jobs, say...University Lecturers? Dentists? Archaeologogists? That is the issue most fobs ponder over throughout life. How come people don't take fobs seriously? It's something I find difficult talking about at times. Sometimes, and I'll be straight out honest, Islanders are valued less than others.
Picture this. There is a room full of Year 7 students at a particular school. In the room, there is a Tongan girl who, unknown to others, is bright and intelligent beneath. The kids were asked to do their first ever assignment, and today, they are about to recieve their marks. Everyone gets what the teacher thinks is most suitable to their grade. The Tongan gets hers back, and it is an A+.
The Teacher is suprised. The students ask her what she has gotten, and when she tells them, they are silent. They glance at each other, before going back on their business. Some laugh and shake their heads. Others raise their eyesbrows.
What I'm getting at, is truly serious. Because people think low of the intelligence of Islanders, Islanders themselves will conform into believing it themselves. Many fobs will believe that expressing their smartness will decrease their popularity status, and ten years from thinkig that? They are on the streets, singing with three babies on their arms. People in society think fobs don't have intelligence because of the way they were raised.
To set that straight, I'll write this once, and only once. Just because the pacific Islands does not have that many technological resources, it does not mean intelligence is not in the genes of all Islanders. For goodness sake, we, like the native Aboriginies, have grown up living off natural resources, and so I think we know not only how to survive, but how to count two and two, and ponder about the exitence of life on Earth.
My elder sister in fact, the greatest Islander I can use as an example. Look at her, and you'll think she is just like any ordinary islander. Meet her, and shock will settle in your veins when you will see her personality through her speech and vibrant aura. Know her, and your in for one adventure.
In my area, it's not really Islanders who win the special awards. I'm not saying all fobs, of course there will be many fobs who actual do, but it is most uncommon. Only speaking for my area, but we only get the normal kind of awards, like sporting, choir, first in Art, first in Languages,etc. It's those kinds of awards that some fobs usually get. Most fobs, including myself.
My sister has had the honour of winning more than 3 Dux Awards. Dux Awards are the rare awards given every year to one student of each year the school thinks is most intelligent. My sister was actually the first Islander of our school to every win the prestigous award, and her record of 5 has made her a legend throughout our neighbourhood. There are probably others that win good awards like that, and I hope there is. But Islanders, as well as other culturals, need to be shown the real appreciation hidden. It's funny really, as my sister is also one of the rare students in her University that are from a Pacific Island.
It just hurts to see many Islanders, working as cleaners and rubbish collectors. Many young teens work at factories, dropping out of education to raise money for drug use and smoking. I guess, being an Islander, it's a significant issue I think needs looking into from soctiety. Many people think Islanders are not suitable for high jobs, and high positions. I could not laugh at how ridiculous that thought is.
My points may not have been quite emotional, something I was aiming at. I guess listening to happy Justin Beiber songs makes it unrealistic. But, to my Islanders out there? It's never too late to do the impossible. Education is what gives you a happy future. And most importantly? F# what other people say. If you want to be a doctor, and your friends think it's stupid, then F# your friends, as they aren't the true ones God has blessed you with. If your mum wants you to work in a factory in the future, stuff it. Be who you want to be, and not what others want to see. Be the person God wants you to be, as He can see that is your aim. Aim for higher things, aim for things that'll put a smile on your face, not a fake one.
I myself conformed before. I once followed the crowd, and because people thought Islanders were not full of brightness and potential, I soon believed it. You'll be suprised now. I'm the first fob in my school to ever be named Captain this year. I'm in Advanced English and is currently coming in top tens and fives in my ranks. I write blogs and short stories that have captured hundreds of other bloggers and authors and emails have been increasing in my inbox. I am loving life, and loving the idea of wanting to become successful. And I can be that dedicated to being who I want to be, any islander, no matter the shape, size, age or gender, deserves to be treated as intelligent, both inside the heart, and outside the mind.
Until Next Time,
Mel Afoa.www.melisarh.blogspot.com, in which I write short stories, poems, any type of piece, pieces that are formed by my own creations. So, you guessed it. I am a writer, and I love writing. I guess you can say it runs in the family. My elder sister writes many advanced stories that have interested high positions. Even my youngest sibling draws and writes, even on holidays.
As you know, this is a new blog that I, Mel Afoa, have used to tell many blog readers what goes on in my life. You might have visited my other serious blogsite
As I speak of siblings, I want to walk into a certain issue I think is not expressed enough, and this shall be my topic of the day. Most I mentioned in my welcome note, I happen to come from a respected Samoan/Australian family. There are those in the world who will read this blog and ponder what Samoan means. Samoa is one of the many beautiful pacific islands, situated in the Pacific Islands. On the right eastern side of Australia, if my geography skills are acurate. A very spectacular island, with it's picturesque nature and friendly habitants.
Most people living in the same areas as me will know the exact reaction when someone says 'Samoan Writer'. Most people will be stunned, others will laugh jokingly. Its the reaction some Samoans go through, as if offensive enough. To break it down easier, many people have never thought of Samoans, or any Islander, ever doing an educational or advanced position in life. Like, being a writer, or a doctor. I don't think any documentary has ever explored what we feel, so I thought to use this blog to show people out there what Islanders like me really feel deep down.
In my area, where it is multiculturally diverse, Islanders are known as the 'fobs'. There are many people out there who are 'frightened' or 'intimidated' by the looks of some islanders. 'Rough & Tough' is what many people say when I ask them what they think of us Islanders. In most schools, the bullies are known to be the fobs, as in most gangs as well in surburban areas. If you question yourself, how many Islanders do you know that are famous? The Rock. Paulini. J Williams. Stan Walker, to name a few. But like I said, a few. There's not one fob that is nationally famous, like Justin Bieber. There is the occasional new zealander movie that will come out, and most fobs will be all over it. Give it two months, and it'll be back to the American celebrities. There will also be the occasional Youtube sensation hit, where an islander, or a group of islanders, will either imitate a song, or sing like Aretha Franklin, holding a cheap guitar.
You might have heard of Islander singers, actors and dancers. How about more serious jobs, say...University Lecturers? Dentists? Archaeologogists? That is the issue most fobs ponder over throughout life. How come people don't take fobs seriously? It's something I find difficult talking about at times. Sometimes, and I'll be straight out honest, Islanders are valued less than others.
Picture this. There is a room full of Year 7 students at a particular school. In the room, there is a Tongan girl who, unknown to others, is bright and intelligent beneath. The kids were asked to do their first ever assignment, and today, they are about to recieve their marks. Everyone gets what the teacher thinks is most suitable to their grade. The Tongan gets hers back, and it is an A+.
The Teacher is suprised. The students ask her what she has gotten, and when she tells them, they are silent. They glance at each other, before going back on their business. Some laugh and shake their heads. Others raise their eyesbrows.
What I'm getting at, is truly serious. Because people think low of the intelligence of Islanders, Islanders themselves will conform into believing it themselves. Many fobs will believe that expressing their smartness will decrease their popularity status, and ten years from thinkig that? They are on the streets, singing with three babies on their arms. People in society think fobs don't have intelligence because of the way they were raised.
To set that straight, I'll write this once, and only once. Just because the pacific Islands does not have that many technological resources, it does not mean intelligence is not in the genes of all Islanders. For goodness sake, we, like the native Aboriginies, have grown up living off natural resources, and so I think we know not only how to survive, but how to count two and two, and ponder about the exitence of life on Earth.
My elder sister in fact, the greatest Islander I can use as an example. Look at her, and you'll think she is just like any ordinary islander. Meet her, and shock will settle in your veins when you will see her personality through her speech and vibrant aura. Know her, and your in for one adventure.
In my area, it's not really Islanders who win the special awards. I'm not saying all fobs, of course there will be many fobs who actual do, but it is most uncommon. Only speaking for my area, but we only get the normal kind of awards, like sporting, choir, first in Art, first in Languages,etc. It's those kinds of awards that some fobs usually get. Most fobs, including myself.
My sister has had the honour of winning more than 3 Dux Awards. Dux Awards are the rare awards given every year to one student of each year the school thinks is most intelligent. My sister was actually the first Islander of our school to every win the prestigous award, and her record of 5 has made her a legend throughout our neighbourhood. There are probably others that win good awards like that, and I hope there is. But Islanders, as well as other culturals, need to be shown the real appreciation hidden. It's funny really, as my sister is also one of the rare students in her University that are from a Pacific Island.
It just hurts to see many Islanders, working as cleaners and rubbish collectors. Many young teens work at factories, dropping out of education to raise money for drug use and smoking. I guess, being an Islander, it's a significant issue I think needs looking into from soctiety. Many people think Islanders are not suitable for high jobs, and high positions. I could not laugh at how ridiculous that thought is.
My points may not have been quite emotional, something I was aiming at. I guess listening to happy Justin Beiber songs makes it unrealistic. But, to my Islanders out there? It's never too late to do the impossible. Education is what gives you a happy future. And most importantly? F# what other people say. If you want to be a doctor, and your friends think it's stupid, then F# your friends, as they aren't the true ones God has blessed you with. If your mum wants you to work in a factory in the future, stuff it. Be who you want to be, and not what others want to see. Be the person God wants you to be, as He can see that is your aim. Aim for higher things, aim for things that'll put a smile on your face, not a fake one.
I myself conformed before. I once followed the crowd, and because people thought Islanders were not full of brightness and potential, I soon believed it. You'll be suprised now. I'm the first fob in my school to ever be named Captain this year. I'm in Advanced English and is currently coming in top tens and fives in my ranks. I write blogs and short stories that have captured hundreds of other bloggers and authors and emails have been increasing in my inbox. I am loving life, and loving the idea of wanting to become successful. And I can be that dedicated to being who I want to be, any islander, no matter the shape, size, age or gender, deserves to be treated as intelligent, both inside the heart, and outside the mind.
Until Next Time,
Mel Afoa.www.melisarh.blogspot.com, in which I write short stories, poems, any type of piece, pieces that are formed by my own creations. So, you guessed it. I am a writer, and I love writing. I guess you can say it runs in the family. My elder sister writes many advanced stories that have interested high positions. Even my youngest sibling draws and writes, even on holidays.
G'day and welcome to my new blogspot, Mint and Rainbow Days!
Mint: Perfect
Rainbow: Up & Down
This blog is basically dedicated to the days of my life; what I go through everyday. I have another blogspot, www.melisarh.blogspot.com, where I write influencial stories and poems of my own creations, dedicated to teens. Writing has always been a big part of my life, and my love of writing is evident in many of my family members. My 'melisarh' blogspot is just pieces I write that is based on my life. When I go through an emotion, I write about it in a story I know will capture attention.
This blog is just me and my life, as a member in a Samoan/Australian family, Captain of my school, Author, and a victim of the occasional bullying. With this blog, you will be able to see what I go through, as well as know about my past, and what I think about society matters and society as a whole.
Writing to most people will seem like a waste of time. Why not play dirty football, or watch anorexic models walk down a stage? Different things appeal to everyone, and fortunately for me, writing appealed to me. Writing, I guess, is like texting. Most people love to text, as often as blinking. (Exaggeration) I think writing is like that. Whenever I go through a different emotion, I use my imagination to create a story that matches that emotion. Writing is like aan adventure; you wouldn't know where it'll take you.
I hope you enjoy reading this, and hopefully love my writing pieces on my other blog as well. I do not mind feedbacks, emails or suggestions, so if you need any help with creating a perfect story piece, or just want to email me about my blogspots, feel free to dab me at BayBeeh_MeLsz@hotmail.com.
Until then, God Bless, Take Care, and Enjoy x
Mint: Perfect
Rainbow: Up & Down
This blog is basically dedicated to the days of my life; what I go through everyday. I have another blogspot, www.melisarh.blogspot.com, where I write influencial stories and poems of my own creations, dedicated to teens. Writing has always been a big part of my life, and my love of writing is evident in many of my family members. My 'melisarh' blogspot is just pieces I write that is based on my life. When I go through an emotion, I write about it in a story I know will capture attention.
This blog is just me and my life, as a member in a Samoan/Australian family, Captain of my school, Author, and a victim of the occasional bullying. With this blog, you will be able to see what I go through, as well as know about my past, and what I think about society matters and society as a whole.
Writing to most people will seem like a waste of time. Why not play dirty football, or watch anorexic models walk down a stage? Different things appeal to everyone, and fortunately for me, writing appealed to me. Writing, I guess, is like texting. Most people love to text, as often as blinking. (Exaggeration) I think writing is like that. Whenever I go through a different emotion, I use my imagination to create a story that matches that emotion. Writing is like aan adventure; you wouldn't know where it'll take you.
I hope you enjoy reading this, and hopefully love my writing pieces on my other blog as well. I do not mind feedbacks, emails or suggestions, so if you need any help with creating a perfect story piece, or just want to email me about my blogspots, feel free to dab me at BayBeeh_MeLsz@hotmail.com.
Until then, God Bless, Take Care, and Enjoy x
Dec 29, 2010
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